Oladipo Ademola Esq

I once saw a cartoon that sent me on a rollercoaster of thought. it contains a couple of skeletons seated at a table with the caption: ladies waiting for the perfect man.

I asked myself a couple of questions including:

• why is it always ladies looking for the perfect man and not the other way round?
• are ladies truly looking for the perfect man?
• is there a perfect man?
• how would you know a perfect man?
• aren’t men also looking for the perfect woman?
• is there a perfect woman?
• how would you know a perfect woman?

No, I did not find answers. And, no, I do not have the answers. But wait, what I know, I’ll tell you.

There is no such thing as a perfect man/woman simply because whenever you describe your partner(s), and you are asked what do you like best/worst about him/her, you always have answers. if you like something best, is it not logical to logical to assume that you like something else less than the best? If the person has something you hate…

There is no perfect man/woman. A lesson i learnt a long time ago is “you find someone who is almost all you desire and make that person perfect for you! It all boils down to tolerance. What can you tolerate? What cant you tolerate?

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On/Off Topic Humour

One day The Lord came to Adam, and said, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news".
Adam said, "Well, give me the good news first."
The Lord explained, "I’ve got two new organs for you.  One is called a brain.  It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve.  The other organ I have for you is called a penis.  It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet.  Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are indeed great gifts you have given to me.  What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."

A man was walking along the beach in California and found a bottle.  He looked around and didn’t see anyone so he opened it.  A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I’m afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill.  So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don’t think I can do that.  Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean.  Think of all the concrete or asphalt that would be needed.  No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted.  I would like to be able to understand women.  What makes them laugh, what makes them cry, why they are so temperamental, and why are they so difficult to get along with – in other words, what makes them tick?"
The genie considered the request for a few minutes and said, "So, will two lanes be sufficient, or would you like four?"

When God made man, he made him out of string.
At the end, he had some left over, so he made a little thing.
When God made woman, he made her out of lace.
He found he did not have enough, so he left a little space.

Lets talk about sex again. I know I have discussed it before and I promised a part 2.

I said in my last post that the secret of great sex is listening, and yes, I still stand by that statement. To have and enjoy great sex, you need to listen. To your partner and to yourself. Yes, you read right. You have to listen to yourself.

No, I am not crazy. You are probably asking why you need to listen to yourself, don’t you know what you are experiencing. Yes you do. But does your partner know? Ahh, makes some sense now. You need to listen to yourself because whatever “information” you give is what your partner works with. Do no forget that to truly enjoy sex, you both have to enjoy it. You and your partner. While you make effort to ensure that your partner enjoys sex, your partner needs to reciprocate the favour and ensure that you also enjoy the sex.

You need to listen to yourself and ensure that your pass along the information that your partner needs to know to enable he/she act such that you enjoy the sex. You like something done in a way, let it be known. You don’t like the way something is done, let it be known. Whatever message you pass across is what your partner uses.

And please, not this kind of sexual feedback. Happy Sexing.

If you have any ideas on sex, comments please!

‘Impromptu online tutoring session’ causes pilots to miss airport by 150 miles. Oh baby, teach me. Teach me hard. Here are the 10 things they were really doing with those laptops.

Northwest Pilots Shot Down by Laptops of Love

Whoever select the entertainment brands for MTN deserves a raise. Seriously. For some funny, virtually all their programmes have high entertainment values. Project Fame West Africa is HOT. Period.

Visited their site and met this.

From a design point of view, not bad. Could be a bit better, but not bad at all.

Clicked on the facebook link and got this:

I really dont feel this design. Not at all. Also, the “Be My Friend” performs a facebook search for a profile that does not exist.

Tried going to the root domain to see if there were other services. Met this:

Bad. MTN. Very bad. At least, a placeholder that sells your service would have been appreciated. Advice: tie in facebook, twitter and other social network feeds. Call me…. I could give you comprehensive advice.

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don’t know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn’t work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What’s wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take for me to find a lawyer?"

I have been to the site fusiongreen_dot_com a number of times. Actually downloaded some tunes, but I have to say that the site has one of the most unappealing looks ever designed. Though it looks better than a lot of public nigerian sites.

Update: I had planned posting this a long while back. But I held back, I had to contact the company and I did, but I did not get a good enough feedback. So, the blogger in me could not resist posting this.

I have been to the site a number of times, with just one aim. To download music free. Using a simple hack, I get access to some of the latest Nigerian tunes when released in albums.

It works like this. On the fusiongreen website (http://www.fusiongreen.com/music.php), they have links that enable you stream music to preview a track you want to buy. Its a flash button, so no right-clicking. Looking at the page source, I noticed that the buttons call a function that pass a numeric parameter to a page which streams the music. For a track with number 2991, the parameter 2991 is passed to the play.php page (e.g http://fusiongreen.com/i=2991&t=music). Using firefox and the download manager plugin, DownThemAll, I just create a batch link of a number of tracks and set it to download. To download a whole album, I could use the batch URL http://fusiongreen.com/i=[2900:2915]&t=music.

Also, you could save each file one at a time. Take a look at their site, they have quite an extensive collection.

Update 2: Did I mention that FusionGreen started as a free download system before switching to the paid model?

The first time I learnt Qbasic, I was so excited that when I got home, I wrote “INPUT ‘PRESS THE BELL’” at our doorbell. And at the buzzer, I wrote “OUTPUT: RIING! RING!!”.

My dad got home and changed my input to “PLEASE PRESS THE BELL”. That was my first lesson in User Interaction Engineering

I can not deny that I love banking with Guaranty Trust Bank. They do their best to make me happy. Even, commissioning Asa to sing their theme song, and its a lovely song.

You can get the song from here.

Wouldn’t you rather take my hand and let me lead. Wont you rather trust me?

Guaranteed to take the lead. Guaranteed to be the best in all that I do.

Cool. Relaxing. Asa, damn girl, you are good. 

Saturday night. My mind was set on spending a great part of it at Swe Bar and Lounge (primarily because I had heard that it is a cool place to while away time in the midst of drinks and flat screen TVs). But, sometime in the day, I lost the urge to give my liver the prime job of filtering alcohol, so I convinced my friend, Wale, to chauffeur me around town.

First, we visited the e-center at Sabo, but for a Saturday night, it was unusually dull. Sorry, it was UNUSUALLY DULL. (Emphasis intended). He received a call from a client to come to Victoria Island, so off we headed to the Island. In our characteristic manner, he called the client and postponed the appointment to Sunday. Perfection.

Still we were headed to the Island, so we agreed to just pop in to Swe Bar, but he doesn’t drink. Mind changed. Again. How about Feeds? He asked. I replied, no problem. We got there and I corrected him, its called Reeds and not Feeds. Correction taken.

We tried strutting in. Yes, I said tried. The security man wouldn’t let us in. My friend was in shorts. I was in leather slippers. I was ok, he wasn’t. Still we convinced him to let us in. And no, we did not bribe him.

Inside, I experienced some kind of serenity that was worth every kobo I spent there. You need to have a business dinner? This is the place for it. You need to impress that lady? (note: I did not use the word chick) This is the place for it. You just feel like lazing about? This is not the place for it.

I ordered a shot of Remy Martin VSOP. Needed something to start the night with. I called a lady friend of mine and she advised me not the get drunk. I gave a simple reply…with their prices, its going to have to be a very expensive drunkenness. Wale doesn’t drink, so we had to order food.

Nice looking menu. Then again, I am not used to restaurants of this class. All the items on the menu looked the same (save for the description of what was contained – which all still looked very similar). Good waiter, he helped me make a decision. I chose the Gai Pad Med.

(i didnt take any pictures, found these on the web. got’em from here and here. my order was similar to that in the distance)

It was a lovely meal. Period. Ordered a Fruit Punch. Wale ordered a Milkshake and a Chapman. I ordered the bill.

We left and headed for home. We spent about 2 hours there and enjoyed every bit of it. Now, I heard All Roads Lead to Bacchus down the road. Tomorrow?

A Nation’s Identity Crisis
By Reuben Abati
You may not have noticed it: Nigeria is suffering from an identity crisis imposed on it in part by an emergent generation of irreverent and creative young Nigerians who are revising old norms and patterns. And for me nothing demonstrates this more frontally than the gradual change of the name of the country. When Flora Shaw, Lord Lugard’s consort came up with the name, Nigeria in 1914, she meant to define the new country by the strategic importance of the Niger River. And indeed, River Niger used to be as important to this country as the Nile was/is to Egypt. We grew up as school children imagining stories about how Lugard in one special romantic moment, asked his mistress to have the honour of naming a new country in Africa. Something like: “Hello, sweetheart, what name would you rather give the new country that I am creating?”
“Let me give it a thought? , Awright, how about Ni-ge-ria darling?”
“That would do. That would do. How thoughtful, my fair lady? You are forever so dependable”

And the name stuck and it has become our history and identity. But these days, the name Nigeria is gradually being replaced by so many variants, that I am afraid a new set of Nigerians may in the immediate future not even know the correct spelling of the name of their country. For these Nigerians whose lives revolve mostly around the internet and the blogosphere, the name Nigeria has been thrown out of the window. Our dear country is now “naija” or “nija”. What happened to the “-eria” that Ms Shaw must have thoughtfully included? The new referents for Nigeria are now creeping into writings, conversations, and internet discourse. I am beaten flat by the increasing re-writing of the country’s name not only as naija or nija, but consider this: “9ja”. Or this other name for Nigeria: “gidi”. There is even a television programme that is titled “Nigerzie”. In addiiton, Etisalat, a telecom company has since adopted a marketing platform that is titled: “0809ja.” Such mainstreaming of these new labels is alarming.
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