Shitty Black Friday – A Case Study of Jumia Nigeria

Ever since Konga tried to bring the Black Friday culture to Nigeria some 3 years ago with their first Yakata sale, other e-commerce stores have done their best, unsuccessfully,  to one-up the online retail giant. Unsuccessfully.

The latest Black Friday attempt by Jumia promised a whooping 45% off a PS4. Like almost every other Nigerian with an email address, I have been bombarded and harassed by several mails from Jumia promising huge savings on Black Friday. I was excited.

I had been looking forward to purchasing a PS4 after I missed the initial Yakata sale by Konga and I waited. Black Friday arrived and I went to Jumia, No PS4 at 45% off. They would be having a flash sale by 4pm.

Screenshot (33)

I waited and I waited. 4pm couldn’t come fast enough. But it did. It did.

I followed the link expected a PS4 that would be priced around 60k (which ironically is the cost price of a PS4 from Amazon ~ $300).

I saw this:

Screenshot (31)

84,300? But how?

Simple, Jumia marked up the selling price so that they could apply a 43% discount to bring the price “down” to 84,300. But they promised 45%. I waited and I saw this.

Screenshot (32)

Someone must have seen their error, and marked the selling price up even further, to achieve the magical “45%”.

Shame on you Jumia. Shame on you.

Nigeria’s deceptive e-commerce

A deal can be defined as “an agreement entered into by two or more parties for their mutual benefit, especially in a business or political context”. The keyword here is mutual.

I received an email from VConnect Deals titled “Weekend Indomie Deals”. I have 2 boys who consume this meal a lot, so, naturally, I was interested. Opened the mail and saw this:

Continue reading “Nigeria’s deceptive e-commerce”

Inconvenient Banking

I have always been a fan of convenience. I’ll gladly pay my way out of doing several things, like house chores or filling a paper form. I also love and adore Guaranty Trust Bank. I have been banking with them since 2006. Never really had much of a complaint. Until now.

I adjusted my schedule so I could go to a branch to open the accounts. First inconvenience; why do I have to visit a physical branch to open an account when I am already a verified customer with the bank. That aside, I went to the bank with some passport photographs and copies of my children’s birth certificates. I spent a couple of minutes on the queue waiting to speak with the customer care agent. Standing. Eventually, I was told to open an account, I needed to proceed to a different floor. Continue reading “Inconvenient Banking”

How to remove that nagging Airtel notification.

I use an Airtel line. Been using it ever since but recently they implemented the post-call notification. After weeks of frustration, I eventually call the call-centre on the platinum help line (yes, I’m a platinum subscriber) and got the code.

If you need it, it is *362*2#

If you change your mind and you want it back (for whatever reason, I have no clue) it is *362*1#

You’re welcome.

Jumia doesn’t know the meaning of free

The word “free” when used as an adverb means “without cost or payment”. Essentially, this means when you want an item, you do not have to pay for it.

Apparently, in the world of E-Commerce (according to Jumia) the word “free” means something else. Look at the screenshot below:

jumia_free

 

Jumia is selling the BlackBerry Z10 at N43,995. Jumia is selling the BlackBerry Z10 with free Aerial7 Headset at N49,495. I’m confused. How is the Aerial7 Headset free if there is a price difference of N5,500. A quick search of the website for headset reveals headset within that price range.

Somebody, please explain to me.

Re: MUST READ: Open Letter To Nigerian Artistes This Christmas – By Henry Okelue

I came across this open letter by Henry Okelue, and it is an interesting read. Please go read it, I’ll wait for you. Here –> http://www.ekekeee.com/must-read-open-letter-nigerian-artistes-christmas-henry-okelue/

 

You done? Really? It is quite long.

1280_Hands Of The People At The Concert

Ok, now, I’m sure you’re done. Enjoyed it? I did too. I thought of replying via a tweet but 140 characters just wasn’t enough and his twitter handle is long.

I read the letter and had a rush of memories from my experience at Rhythm Unplugged 2008. Miming. Lip synching. CDs scratching.  It was awful. The only performances I enjoyed were the jokes by the comedians and MI. MI actually tried to sing but eventually threw some CDs into the crowd to distract people.

Is this what I paid for? Someone to come and stage and sing songs I had already crammed? Livestream this and let me watch at home. Home is safe. Oh, when leaving the “concert”, someone shot in the air to disperse the crowd and allow the MoHits crew drive out. The same MoHits crew that arrived at the venue at around 3am and they were obviously tired from performing at other shows.

Is this what I paid for? Some artist got on stage and the CD skipped. he had the audacity to turn it to a joke. My CD at home doesn’t skip and even if it did, I know the lyrics of your song.

Is this what I paid for? Granted the show was sponsored by a Beer company (can’t remember now Guinness or Star), there was nothing else to drink. I don’t drink beer. I was hungry. The beer was free though. In retrospect, I should have carted away as much beer as possible, sold and recouped my money.

Is this what I paid for? I was promised an experience of a lifetime. Granted, I got an experience, that is why I am never attending a Rhythm Unplugged anymore, unless I get a free ticket and a free ride.

I do attend concerts. EMUfest by Beautiful Nubia is an experience I do my best not to miss every year. There, you can actually see the artists sing and you can sing along. No DJ in sight (maybe he is good at hiding them). No lip synching (as far as I can see). No skipping CDs (it is a live band performing). Worst scenario ever experienced? PHCN struck but the guy continued singing without breaking a beat. If you have never experienced the joy of a dark concert (PHCN strikes, but the music doesn’t stop), you can not possibly understand what I am talking about.

Oh, Nigerian Hip-hop artists, take note. His letter really addresses a lot, I don’t feel I need to repeat it here.

Yours faithfully,

 

Oladipo Ademola Esq (no, I’m not a lawyer. Fear not, I’m not going to sue you, yet)

I give up on Swift Networks

I have been a faithful Swift Networks customer for about 2 years and I have had it up to here *raises hand as high as possible*. After a frustrating experience today, I had to switch to my Airtel line to send them an email; shown below:

 

That I am disappointed in your service is a gross understatement. I am absolutely mortified to be considered a swift customer.

Despite my efforts to convince a number of people to patronize your services, I have unfortunately drawin the short straw. I am home with the intention to continuing my work when I am notified by your server that “browsing is not permitted”. It goes further to state my plan – Home Basic New (or some fucking shit like that) and I can browse on weekends. Glancing at my clock, which mercifully is just by the bottom right of my screen, I am made to know that this is 2pm on a Saturday. If that isnt weekend, I pray you to lecture me on what a weekend is.

I called your customer care number, kept on hold for over 5 minutes just to be told that there is no one to answer my call. Why didnt you fucking tell me that in the first minute?

I am ashamed to be associated with you. The saddest part is that it is impossible to recover whatever amount that might still be with you so that I could move to a different service provider. What is possible is me throwing your modem into the hottest fire that I can find ensuring that neither me nor anyone I love/hate has to endure the absolute rubbish you call a service.

Thank you.