Jumia doesn’t know the meaning of free

The word “free” when used as an adverb means “without cost or payment”. Essentially, this means when you want an item, you do not have to pay for it.

Apparently, in the world of E-Commerce (according to Jumia) the word “free” means something else. Look at the screenshot below:

jumia_free

 

Jumia is selling the BlackBerry Z10 at N43,995. Jumia is selling the BlackBerry Z10 with free Aerial7 Headset at N49,495. I’m confused. How is the Aerial7 Headset free if there is a price difference of N5,500. A quick search of the website for headset reveals headset within that price range.

Somebody, please explain to me.

Re: MUST READ: Open Letter To Nigerian Artistes This Christmas – By Henry Okelue

I came across this open letter by Henry Okelue, and it is an interesting read. Please go read it, I’ll wait for you. Here –> http://www.ekekeee.com/must-read-open-letter-nigerian-artistes-christmas-henry-okelue/

 

You done? Really? It is quite long.

1280_Hands Of The People At The Concert

Ok, now, I’m sure you’re done. Enjoyed it? I did too. I thought of replying via a tweet but 140 characters just wasn’t enough and his twitter handle is long.

I read the letter and had a rush of memories from my experience at Rhythm Unplugged 2008. Miming. Lip synching. CDs scratching.  It was awful. The only performances I enjoyed were the jokes by the comedians and MI. MI actually tried to sing but eventually threw some CDs into the crowd to distract people.

Is this what I paid for? Someone to come and stage and sing songs I had already crammed? Livestream this and let me watch at home. Home is safe. Oh, when leaving the “concert”, someone shot in the air to disperse the crowd and allow the MoHits crew drive out. The same MoHits crew that arrived at the venue at around 3am and they were obviously tired from performing at other shows.

Is this what I paid for? Some artist got on stage and the CD skipped. he had the audacity to turn it to a joke. My CD at home doesn’t skip and even if it did, I know the lyrics of your song.

Is this what I paid for? Granted the show was sponsored by a Beer company (can’t remember now Guinness or Star), there was nothing else to drink. I don’t drink beer. I was hungry. The beer was free though. In retrospect, I should have carted away as much beer as possible, sold and recouped my money.

Is this what I paid for? I was promised an experience of a lifetime. Granted, I got an experience, that is why I am never attending a Rhythm Unplugged anymore, unless I get a free ticket and a free ride.

I do attend concerts. EMUfest by Beautiful Nubia is an experience I do my best not to miss every year. There, you can actually see the artists sing and you can sing along. No DJ in sight (maybe he is good at hiding them). No lip synching (as far as I can see). No skipping CDs (it is a live band performing). Worst scenario ever experienced? PHCN struck but the guy continued singing without breaking a beat. If you have never experienced the joy of a dark concert (PHCN strikes, but the music doesn’t stop), you can not possibly understand what I am talking about.

Oh, Nigerian Hip-hop artists, take note. His letter really addresses a lot, I don’t feel I need to repeat it here.

Yours faithfully,

 

Oladipo Ademola Esq (no, I’m not a lawyer. Fear not, I’m not going to sue you, yet)

Dinner with the Ex

I arrived early. A gentleman always arrives early. I had located our seat and was perusing the menu. The waiter came to me and asked for my order. I replied that I was waiting for my date and will order then. Thank you very much.

Each table at the restaurant had a bottle of wine on it. I guess they want you to drink. Is it by force? Will I still pay for the wine even if I don’t drink it? Will I pay for the whole bottle even if I take just a little? Better not open it yet. Just in case.

Curiosity got the better of me as I picked up the bottle to read the label. Before, I could make out the name, I heard her voice. It was the most wonderful sound I had heard in a long time. Standing by me, I didn’t know when she came in. I stood up and pulled her a chair. She looked beautiful. No, I am not exaggerating but I tell you this, she looked like the most beautiful angel you can imagine. Go ahead, I dare you to imagine.

Hi. Thank you for coming. I wasn’t sure you would be able to make it. I wasn’t sure I would be here too. It has been a while since we met here. How many years now? 7?

That’s a long time. Whoever thought we would meet again, here, like this? Remember this place? This is where we started. That afternoon. February. Yes?

I asked you what you wanted from me. You asked me what I meant and I went on a tirade about how everyone wants something from me.

You remember. I’m impressed.

How are you doing? You’re married now.

No? Why? I thought I saw your introduction pictures on Facebook.

Hunh? Oh, the date has been fixed. When is it?

You can’t say? But you came to my wedding. It is your mum, right? Once again, she has proven to be the factor undermining our happine..

Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It is just that, when we were together, your mum didn’t like me. I should have told you. I was immature. I realize that now and I regret it so much. I loved you and truth be told, I still do. You were the best thing that happened to me. You made me happy and I couldn’t bear to be away from you. Your mum would have none of it.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up the past. Let us move on. You’re through with your youth service, ba?

How is work? Why? Still searching, I see.

No, I can’t. I would have loved to, but it is too risky for us to work at the same place. I hope you understand.

My marriage? It has been…… just there. It is fine. Really. I’ve got a lovely son. Rayner. About six months. I love him dearly. Though, I always wondered what our children would have looked like. Would they resemble me or you and manage a delicate balance of both.

See, that’s him. There and there, but you must have seen him on Facebook. I have some of his pictures there. Mostly for my dad.

No, he isn’t in Lagos. He went back to the village to pursue the new phase of his career or caretirement (as I like to call it). He left his family in Lagos.

I don’t care how they cope. That’s for them to worry about.

Sir! Sir! Your date is here. I snapped out of my dream. I had dozed off. I looked up and there she was.

Demola, meet Stephen, my fiancé. Stephen, meet…..

I give up on Swift Networks

I have been a faithful Swift Networks customer for about 2 years and I have had it up to here *raises hand as high as possible*. After a frustrating experience today, I had to switch to my Airtel line to send them an email; shown below:

 

That I am disappointed in your service is a gross understatement. I am absolutely mortified to be considered a swift customer.

Despite my efforts to convince a number of people to patronize your services, I have unfortunately drawin the short straw. I am home with the intention to continuing my work when I am notified by your server that “browsing is not permitted”. It goes further to state my plan – Home Basic New (or some fucking shit like that) and I can browse on weekends. Glancing at my clock, which mercifully is just by the bottom right of my screen, I am made to know that this is 2pm on a Saturday. If that isnt weekend, I pray you to lecture me on what a weekend is.

I called your customer care number, kept on hold for over 5 minutes just to be told that there is no one to answer my call. Why didnt you fucking tell me that in the first minute?

I am ashamed to be associated with you. The saddest part is that it is impossible to recover whatever amount that might still be with you so that I could move to a different service provider. What is possible is me throwing your modem into the hottest fire that I can find ensuring that neither me nor anyone I love/hate has to endure the absolute rubbish you call a service.

Thank you.

Was Microsoft right to buy Nokia?

Before going into the phone business, Apple already had a reputation for producing premium devices. They could utilize that leverage to sell their phones, at premium prices. As at today, there are rumors of Apple working on a less expensive iPhone.

Google did not have a history for producing devices, so they focused on the software. Knowing that you can’t bring a knife to a gun fight, they focused on the software while they left other players (Samsung and HTC) produce the hardware. The current boom enjoyed by Android is due to the influx of Chinese devices that could afford to sell at very low prices. You can’t afford the iPhone experience? There is an Android for you. Now, Google, after gaining enough market share, stepped in to set a standard for their devices. The Nexus devices and the eventual purchase of Motorola, leading to the Moto X. Possibly the most perfect phone ever created. Continue reading “Was Microsoft right to buy Nokia?”

Github Identicons

Github just added a new feature for users who dont use Gravatar, called Identicons.

GitHub is about to get a lot more colorful. Starting today, we are generating Identicons for anyone without a Gravatar. Our Identicons are simple 5×5 “pixel” sprites that are generated using a hash of the user’s ID. The algorithm walks through the hash and turns pixels on or off depending on even or odd values. These generated patterns, combined with hash-determined color values, ensures a huge number of unique Identicons.

Using a Gravatar but want to see what your identicon would be? Use this URL and replace my GitHub login with yours:

https://identicons.github.com/streetlife.png

StreetLife on Github
StreetLife on Github

 

When is a deal a “deal”?

Disclosure: I am very pissed at DealDey (http://www.dealdey.com). I think their service sucks.

DealDey is a clone of the Groupon Service. The first time I saw it, I thought, this is brilliant. Finally, we can get daily deals. I have never been more wrong.

The problem isnt solely with DealDey. They may have a bulk of the problem, but it isnt solely theirs. They (and their customers) do not understand the concept of a a deal-of-the-day. By definition, deal-of-the-day (also called flash sales or one deal a day) is an ecommerce business model in which a website offers a single product for sale for a period of 24 to 36 hours. Potential customers register as members of the deal-a-day websites and receive online offers and invitations by email or social networks. The deal-of-the-day business model works by allowing retailers to market discounted services or products directly to the customers of the deal company, who receives a portion of the retailer’s profit. This allows retailers to build brand loyalty and quickly sell surplus inventory.

The keyword, as highlighted above, is “discounted”. For a product or a service to be a deal, it has to be discounted. Not crippled. Not reduced. Discounted. Which means, a product I would normally buy for N500 would be sold at say N480 (or even less) for a period of time. The reduced price ought to encourage people to notify their friends and help to clear out inventory.

Many deals on DealDey still offer the products at the same selling price as non-deals.

deal_comparison

Compared above is a deal on DealDey right now. Samsung Galaxy S4 for N95,000. The selling price on Konga.com is N95,000. The price on Jumia.com is N95,495. Slot is selling at N96,000. The question then arises, where is the deal? Why would I tell people to buy from DealDey when you can buy from Konga and receive points for your purchase which you can use to discount further purchases?

Another comparison

deal_comparison1

DealDey – Tecno Phantom A (Dual Core) = N35,500

Konga – Tecno Phantom A+ (Quad Core) = N35,900

Jumia – Tecno Phantom A+ (Quad Core) = N35,495

 

In the other scenario where the price is actually reduced, the service to be offered is also reduced. That isnt a deal, that is paying half price for half of the service. E.g http://www.dealdey.com/deals/final-touch-day-spa-pamper-spa-package

DealDey   Final Touch Day Spa  Pamper Spa Package

DealDey has a good concept, even if it isnt original, but the execution is terrible. If you must offer deals, ensure they are DEALS!.

NUFF SAID!