Inconvenient Banking

I have always been a fan of convenience. I’ll gladly pay my way out of doing several things, like house chores or filling a paper form. I also love and adore Guaranty Trust Bank. I have been banking with them since 2006. Never really had much of a complaint. Until now.

I adjusted my schedule so I could go to a branch to open the accounts. First inconvenience; why do I have to visit a physical branch to open an account when I am already a verified customer with the bank. That aside, I went to the bank with some passport photographs and copies of my children’s birth certificates. I spent a couple of minutes on the queue waiting to speak with the customer care agent. Standing. Eventually, I was told to open an account, I needed to proceed to a different floor.

Thank God I am a civilized person. At least, I think I am. I had a lot of expletives I wanted to utter but I smiled instead. Charming little lady. Would love to have your number. Oh wait, I digress.

I move to the next floor. Asked for Bayo. He welcomed me with a smile that screamed, “I hate my job”. Sorry. Not my fault. Now, be a gentleman and open these accounts for me.



Your documents aren’t complete. I need to see the actual birth certificates (in case I forged the copies?). I need to see your identification (because my account details, which has my picture, doesn’t identify me?). I need to see any recent utility bill (what if I am completely off the grid – no water, no light?).

One more thing, Sir. This identification card has your name, your address, your date of birth, your height, your mobile number, your signature and your picture. All these match the details we have on file for you. But, and this is a serious but, the date is wrong. I’m sorry, this isn’t you.

WHAT THE F…? (Now, this is a He, not a chick, so expletives…).

Also, why do I have to manually fill paper forms? Why can’t I apply online, get a print out and append my signature? Filling the form online has a lot of advantages. Because I am logged in, my details should be autofilled. I type in exactly what I want instead of putting some poor sap through the stress of having to decipher my scrawling writing. I could scan and attach documentation that will enable you open the account and wait for sighting of the original to activate it.

Long story short, I am yet to open the accounts. If I wanted to produce all those documents, won’ t I have headed to another bank?


Author: Esquire

A geek, all round gentleman. Loves food. Funny guy? Hehehe!